So you decided to do something completely new, and you made the decision to do it right! You crossed your t’s and dotted your lower-case j’s. You fulfilled due diligence, did  your internet research and got the best instructor and purchased top-dollar, top-quality equipment. Thanks to your winning strategy, the next few months of your life are going to be a dizzying spiral upwards into the stratosphere, marked by continual, measurable improvements in skill, right? Right?

Well, not necessarily.

Instructors are guides. We facilitate learning (and hopefully eventual mastery) of a subject by guiding you along a path invariably lined with pitfalls, dead-ends, false finishes, and false prophets. You see, we’ve fallen in those pits, followed those dead-end paths and false prophets, and arrogantly cried out “I’m finally finished” only to find out how humiliatingly wrong we were. We’ve done it all so you don’t have to. As instructors, we genuinely want you to be better than we are, and we’re there for you, to show you what to do and how to do it. After all, as we learned from the G.I. Joe cartoon, knowing is half the battle. However, the other part is far more important, and that is the doing.

Knowing at an intellectual, conceptual level what to do and what not to do, knowing the movements, the equipment and the vocabulary, all of that is well and good, but it is not the same as that knowledge being a part of who you are, as merely having that knowledge is not the same as experiencing its truth. The finger that points to the moon, as the old saying goes, is not the moon, and the map of the territory should not be confused with the territory itself. All of the accumulated knowledge from the classes we take and the research we do, it is merely the map to where we are going, and it is worthless if we do not use it to get there.

That requires work.

We instructors cannot perform that vital part of learning for our students. It is up to them to do the same move tens, hundreds, or thousands of times to make it second nature. It is up to them to find within themselves the hunger for improvement, the vision to see their potential, and the strength and determination to actualize it. Learning properly is a hard task, it’s not always fun (for an excellent treatment of this subject, see the amazing book “Talent is Overrated“) and it is up to each individual student to find their own motivation and dedication they’re willing to put forth to improve.

There is an old saw about writing that says that the author should open up a vein and bleed on the page. I think that is true about teaching as well. In order to be a successful instructor, we must convey our passion and love for the subject we’re teaching. In return, the most successful students must display that passion and love as well, and we instructors appreciate most those who unabashedly display that love openly. Detachment and cynicism have no place in the classroom, the gym, or the kwoon, in either student or instructor.

In the long run, we get out of anything exactly what we put into it. In martial arts, Crossfit, or anything, there are varying levels of skill, physical ability, sophistication, dedication, enthusiasm, drive involved for everybody. We have to expect a Gaussian distribution for each of those attributes for each student we teach. We instructors cannot control any of those things. All we can control is our own output, our manifestation of our enthusiasm for our art.

We instructors want nothing more than for the students to succeed, but the bulk of the battle is up to the individual student. I love nothing more than to teach a student who has boundless enthusiasm for learning, who constantly bugs me for details on this or that, or my view on how to get better. It’s running into these firebreathers that rewards an instructor the most. At the same time though, we have to be respectful of the people who may not desire perfection in this one particular thing that we do. Perhaps they have other true passions, about which they are the master and we are the neophyte. A different level of dedication on their part doesn’t make them bad, lazy, untalented; it makes them differently motivated, and we have to accommodate and respect that.

We absolutely cannot judge anyone for a perceived lack of effort, even if we know that they are capable of more than they are displaying. Instead, we have to look at it at worst as a problem to be solved. Part of our jobs as instructors is to help our students realize and actualize their potential. We cannot do that from a mental and emotional place of negativity.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear, but we teachers also have to be ready.

I’ve decided to cut some time wasters out of my life – Facebook, Twitter, IM – at least temporarily. It’s worked well for me when I’ve done it in the past. I accomplish more, and bad things that seem so immediate when I have information at my fingertips drastically reduce in importance. It’s almost magical. I can concentrate on myself and improving at things that I love and need, instead of frittering away time, reading things that concern me or that I obsess over, but are of no value to my life.

I saw the movie Up this weekend. It is a beautiful, multi-layered masterpiece. At it’s heart, I believe it is about letting go of things that weigh our lives down, that are no longer relevant to us. There is a scene in the movie where the main character jettisons from his house various flotsam and jetsam he has accumulated over his life, so that he can once again take to the skies.

I think all of our lives are a lot like that. We misplace our concerns and put so much value on things that are well past their sell-by date. I couldn’t help but feel very strongly connected in that way to Carl (the movie’s character). I become very strongly attached to people, friendships, relationships, and things that are no longer beneficial to me, merely because of how much prior emotional investment I’ve had in them. They are a comfort to me at the same time they are a consternation. Well, as we know, it’s easy to throw good money after bad in that way, and look up and years have passed.

There was a quote I read a while back. Now that I do a web search, I realize it’s apparently from a graphic designer named Milton Glaser:

…And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energized or less energized. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and I suggest that you use it for the rest of your life.

I decided to take that advice to heart, and really think about what energizes me and what drains me, and I’ve spent the last few days pondering this very subject, and agonizing over this thought and that. The sad fact of the matter is that there are quite a few draining influences in my life, and they’re mostly people.

I think that for me, the toxic people who Glaser refers to are energy vampires, the ones who greet my enthusiasm with a tempered scorn, or deflect what positive energy I can muster up with a frown, or some strategically placed skepticism. They would rather be “right” than happy, and revel in their misery, as though it makes them more virtuous. To try and share in their happiness is impossible, for they have little of their own. To try and help them find the happiness they deserve is impossible, it is like filling a sieve. It stays empty and exhausts the person who pours out their positive energy.

Due to some events in my life and childhood, I’ve always had a difficult time being positive. For the first time in my life (due to a combination of factors), I feel like those dark clouds are being blown away from my life by some fairly strong winds of change. It is by the sun shining – at last- through these clouds that I’ve come to see some of the people in my life under the light of the day. Their hard edges are accentuated by the light, not softened by shadows, and worse, they seem to squint and despise the same light that is finally washing over my life. These days, my friendliness is met with nods and head shakes, as if my words and concern merit not even words in return. My positive feelings and loving concern met with indifference, scorn, and a disrespectful brush-off. Apparently I don’t merit an explanation. Your contempt for me is manifest. Did you think I would put up with it? I’m sick of your shit, at long last.

A group of people who I once felt (ah, alright, still feel) close to have taken it upon themselves to start a pity-party circle jerk about me. Whispering about my dedication and my loyalty, but too cowardly to say it to my face. Are these the same people around whom I once felt invigorated? Now merely thinking about the bile coming out of their mouths just drains me. One good measure of a person is how resilient they are when faced with adversity and changing circumstances. I can recall a time when even one of those things would have crushed me and occupied my waking thoughts for days. Now I just feel sorry for them. I know that I deserve better, and I know that I am doing better right now. Maybe that’s why they’re angry. Perhaps they should get angry at themselves instead.

I have a lot to offer as a friend and a resource. I devote so much energy to finding out new and creative ways to do what I do more skillfully and efficiently. I love nothing more than to teach others and toss ideas back and forth. Unfortunately, some people have made it clear they want nothing to do with who I am becoming. Apparently they’d rather talk in high flying theoreticals about skill and practice and the way that things should be, instead of actually doing anything. Well. I’m sick of your shit.

But I can’t worry about what other people do and what other people say about me. I firmly believe that I deserve better, and I’m getting better. So why keep intimacy with those who poison me?

Now, on to the work outs!

Monday 05/25

A good one! 21-15-9 Reps:

• Row 500m
• Handstand Pushups

No, not 21-15-9 reps of Row 500m! It was four 500m rows: one to start, one between each HSPU round, and one to finish. I did well on this one, I think. 10:51 or so. I had my feet up on a squat rack for support, as my HSPU skills have declined since my shoulder injury. This was a great workout that was right up my alley!

Tuesday

Crossfit Spartan 300 Workout. Done with my pal Elliot at my kung-fu school. This was a brutal workout that would make a great WOD anytime. Five Rounds for Time:

• 20 Double-unders
• 10 Dumbbell Thrusters
• 10 Pull-ups

This was a beast. I’m a pro at double-unders, but this combination of movements makes everything hurt. I managed 9:47 or so with 30lb dumbbells.

Wednesday

Pure agony. Four rounds:

• 800m Run
• 15 Ring Dips
• 10 Burpees

Running is my mortal foe so far, although my times are improving. The ring dips I did with a dark blue band because of my shoulder, although just like the power clean workout, I tried to do them straight through with intensity (I did drop off once or twice!) Burpees, well those are burpees. I finished at about 23 minutes and some change, which impressed me. The runs are just brutal, especially under the hot May sun.

Thursday

A GREAT workout! I really dug this one to the max, as after so many running WODs, this one offered a brief respite. Although my power cleans aren’t great, I actually really like doing the movement. It’s almost like an ie chin ching for me, and it’s very technically challenging as well. My deadlifts remain my best and favorite lift. My pullups have been improving steadily over the last month as well.

AMRAP 20 Minutes:

• 5 Hang Power Cleans
• 10 Deadlifts
• 15 Pullups

I managed six rounds and two of the pullups on the seventh. This was a tough workout that was again, right up my alley. I had 85lb on the bar (up 10lb from my previous power clean best). The deadlifts were clean and smooth as I could do it, as I take pride in them (I can’t wait to blow away my previous best (370)). Pullups remain not my strong suit, but I’m sure working on them. I felt great after this workout!

Friday

Friday class time! I had a bright idea: Let’s do “Barbara”! Five Rounds for Time:

• 20 Pull-ups
• 30 Push-ups
• 40 Sit-ups
• 50 Squats

Horrible. I gave it a 30 minute cut off and still didn’t finish (I was on the last set of squats). I tried to do mostly pull-ups on the rings, but devolved to jumping pull-ups and ring rows more than a few times! Kudos to the finishers, You guys are warriors.

Monday, 06/01

A new month, a new benchmark. This month it’s Crossfit Total! The last time Total came around, it was just when I had hurt my shoulders, so I didn’t get to register a back squat, only a deadlift (370). My shoulder press was an experimental attempt at 95, so that was my official score. Well, this time I wanted to blow that out of the water. One Rep Max:

• Back Squat
• Shoulder Press

My five rep max on the Back Squat is 255 (I expect that to also go up), so I knew that my ORM would be significantly higher. I nailed attempts at 255, 275, and 285, and ended up at 295. Wow not bad!! I failed on a 305 attempt that I will most definitely conquer next time. I’m more than satisfied with my performance!

The shoulder press is another matter entirely. I’m not sure how this exercise can be so difficult, as conceptually, it’s not so bad! Just lift the weight over your head. Easy! Well, with locked knees and no inertia generation, no it ain’t so easy! I nailed attempts at 65 and 85, and BARELY got 95 over my head. The last attempt I nailed was a 115, and then failed on 125. Yikes. Still though, besting my previous injured best by 20lbs results in a thumbs up! Come on shouders, I’m pullin’ for you!

Tuesday

Spartan 300 Challenge Workout! I have a number of options, and I choose the one with double-unders! For Time:

50-40-30-20-10 reps of:

• Double-Unders
• Sit-Ups

I did this one in about 6:43 or so. I did this on my back porch and jumped in my pool immediately afterwards. By all indications of my health and happiness, this is how humans should live their lives! I didn’t feel incredibly exhausted afterwards. I think I left my abmat at my kung-fu school, so the sit-ups weren’t nearly as challenging as they usually are. So, I decided to do another workout. For Time:

50-40-30-20-10 reps of:

• Double-Unders
• Push-Ups

This gassed me utterly. I’m not sure if it was the push presses on Monday, but my arms had nothing in them. This workout took me about 16 minutes to complete. Although I feel could have done it much faster, the negative thoughts I outlined above kept intruding into my head and paralyzing me. I eventually shook it off and knocked off the workout, taking a nice refreshing cold shower afterward 300 Double-Unders, 150 Sit-Ups, 150 Push-Ups, in the bag!.

Wednesday

A great day. We finished up total today and had a little fun afterwards. One Rep Max:

• Deadlift

I made numerous attempts: 135, 225, 315 for a warm up, then hit the attempts in earnest. My previous best was 370, so I made my first attempt at that, and hit it fairly easily. My second attempt, 385 sent my previous PR out the window as well. Unfortunately, I dropped the bar instead of controlling it on the way down, voiding the attempt. I had one more. Mike A, My parter, and I stuck 395 on the bar, prompting a little good natured ridiculing from my coach. I sheepishly stuck a 2.5lb on each side to make it an even 400. My legs were shaking, but I made it all the way up and controlled it on the way down for a major PR! That brings my Total to 810. Not bad, and I will eventually join the milennium club…

We had a fun little work out afterward in the little remaining time. Taking 70% of our press PR (I put this at 70lb for myself, due to my shoulder), do 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 reps of:

• Back Squat
• Shoulder Press
• Deadlift

I finished this in 1:15. Not too shabby, and I lost count at one point so I think I repeated one of the sets. Overall a great day.

Thursday

A smoker! It took me 16:06 to finish seven rounds of:

• 200m Run
• 3 Push-Jerk
• 6 Pull-Ups
• 9 Push-Ups

Despite the running (hehe) I really loved this workout. It seemed to tax all my body’s systems and modalities and all the muscle groups. Weights, pulling, pushing, metcon, check, check, check and check! Now to just start upping the weight. My shoulder is telling me to do that gradually though.

Ah I forgot to mention: I got my first “real” muscle-up today! Truly a week of shattering barriers.