How-To: Grocery Shop

“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
-Michael Pollan, Unhappy Meals

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.”
-Mark Twain

Obvious, right? Eat food. Duh.

Not so fast. The key to Pollan’s pithy quotation about what to eat is the word “food”. To use once again the most over-used quotation in the history of cinema, “I do not believe it means what you think it means”. The meaning of the word “food” has changed dramatically in the last 50-100 years. Indeed, what our bodies expect as food is far, far different from that which we are giving it.

When we go to the local grocery store, we are typically bombarded by brightly colored packages, marketing slogans, and paens to purchase the new snack-food-of-the-week. We see shopping carts filled with these convenience foods, often proclaiming their healthfulness. “Low Fat!” says one. “Low Carb!” another. More often than not, we automatically grab these off the shelf, believing them to be nurturing and healthful. Better living through science!

What we don’t typically think about is why exactly these items need the force of marketing and viral slogans that implore us to buy them. We don’t think about how they are produced or how eating them affects our bodies. Indeed, that’s the problem. We just don’t think about the most fundamental of actions, the input of energy into our bodies.

The fact of the matter is that most of what we are eating isn’t food. The vast majority of what goes into the typical American’s diet are what Pollan calls “food-like substances”. I want to tell you the most effecient way to avoid these dietary land mines, and put more real, actual food in your diet.

Approach your grocery store with a jaundeced eye. Bring your skeptic’s hat with you. As you pass through the doorway, your eyes will immediately be assaulted with the sights of candy, sweets, and other low-cost, high profit margin goods. Ye gods, you haven’t even gotten a cart yet, and they’re already making you buy cheap factory carbohydrate! Avert your eyes and resist the siren call. Even a single sugar hit can alter gene expression for weeks!

Grab your cart and basket and get your bearings. The center of a grocery store is like a black hole of nutrition. The food stored there has a shelf life of weeks, if not months. If a nuclear holocaust comes, you will have a ready supply of twinkies, and swiss rolls to eat for months, if not years.The less finicky storage requirements, slower turnover, and more space effecient nature of packaged, carbohydrate-rich foods means that the stores can stick them in the areas less-convenient to delivery trucks (and more convenient to the shoppers): The front and middle of the store.

To get to the food we want to eat, we are going to have to make a beeline for the back of the store. Do not pass the cereal aisle, do not collect 200 boxes and bags of chips, pretzels, cereals, breads, beans, crackers, bagels or other inuslin-junkie bait. By the time you reach the back of the store, your cart/basket should be either empty, or have toiletries and sundry household cleaning supplies. There you go, good job!

We’re looking for the good stuff. Fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, eggs, good lean meat, raw, unsalted nuts, and if you must, full-fat dairy. Throw in a few bottles of quality red wine too.You have to live a little!

Shop by color and scarcity in your diet. Had kiwis last week? Don’t eat them again for a while. Be cautious around sugary tropical fruits (Mangos). Bananas are starchy poison. Rotate your food selections to keep your palette and cooking skills challenged. Buy plenty of leafy greens, your body will thank you. Cruciferous vegetables such as Broccoli and Cabbage are your dear, dear friends. Fill up your cart with protein. Eggs, Shrimp, Salmon, Beef, Pork, Lamb. One or more of these will be the centerpiece of all your meals. Avocados are your friend, especially for athletes. The rest of the fools in the supermarket are shopping by energy density. You, my friend, are shopping by nutrient density.

At this point, your shopping cart should be chock-full of nature’s bounty, all of it with reasonable expiration dates, like food should have. We do have another stop to make, this time dangerously close to the island of bad food. The supermarket will have stocked all the oils together, even though nutritionally, they couldn’t possibly be more different. Ignore the peanut, canola, and vegetable oils. Grab plenty of Avocado, Almond, Coconut, Walnut, and especially olive oils. Grab plenty of different flavored vinegars, but watch the labels. Food companies love to add sugar and corn syrup in the strangest places.

By now, other shoppers may be looking at you strangely or even stopping you and making friendly remarks in the same tone you would use to talk to a retarded child or a cancer victim.”My”, they will say. “You sure eat healthy!”. and chuckle, not understanding why you are depriving yourself of “real food”.

The checkout line is the last obstacle to overcome. To your left and right will be all manners of mints, candy bars, gum, and other sugary delights. Eyes forward friend, you’re almost out of there! Pay and leave as soon as you can.

One neat side effect you will notice is that your pantry will be empty, and your fridge will be full. All the food you bought, being, well, food, will expire soon and needs to be kept fresh. All that shelf and pantry space you were using for flour, bread, pasta, sugar, baking powder, and all the other miscellania of a modern American diet, you may now reclaim for other purposes (my roomate and I use it for cookbooks, and buying as many coffee and tea varieties as we can.

The best side effects though, will be a clearer mind,  a more functional body, and a better life.